STANDING UP AND SPEAKING OUT

“I was married at the age of 5. I didn’t know what it meant at that time. When I grew up and realised what it meant, I decided to walk out of my marriage. Why should I be married to a man several years older than me, against my wishes, at a time when I didn’t realise what was happening? And so, a few years later when I had the courage to take my own decision,  I decided to walk out of this marriage. My parents were furious. They said, ‘If you walk out now, you will remain unmarried for life’. I said that I would prefer it that way and instead, study and get into a career. I am now doing a degree in law and soon I will be qualified”. Poonam said that very nonchalantly, without any emotion or remorse, almost defiantly, but with a hint of pride in the corner of her eyes. I may also have noticed a little smile.

By any stretch of imagination, this would have been an amazingly defiant stand, coming from someone in her early twenties, saying this in the presence of members of her community, women and men – but even more so for someone living in a village in Haryana from a Dalit community, a region notorious for its deeply held patriarchal values, norms and culture, where atrocities against women are rampant and the sex ratio is an abysmal 831 girls to 1000 boys.

This was October 2019. I was visiting one of the villages in the state of Haryana where ActionAid supported the local community to fight discrimination, inequality and injustice. We were in the section of the village where the Dalit community lived, in the outskirts of the village. The contrast in the economic status between this community and the rest of the village was quite apparent. The local community had gathered to talk to us about their work. It was a mixed group of people with men slightly outnumbering women. Most of the women were towards the rear of the meeting room, and much of the earlier conversation was dominated by men.

As the discussion progressed well over an hour, I could sense some restlessness among some of the younger women, who tactically started moving forward towards the front rows. It was clear that they didn’t want to be passive observers, but also wanted to speak. A few of them were huddled together, perhaps making a tactical plan of how to get their voice heard.

It was at that point that Poonam and a couple of women spoke up. “Let us also speak. We need to talk about our experiences”, one of them said. And that is what led to the conversation taking a different angle and Poonam’s story.

It was not just Poonam’s story and her resilience that stood out, but the confidence with which she said it in front of the male leaders of her community, which would have been unthinkable of in the context where the ‘khaap panchayats’ (traditional community groups) decided on socio-cultural norms which are steeped in patriarchal traditions and entirely dominated by men.

Poonam has no regrets. Once she gets the law degree, she hopes to lead the fight for justice, especially for women in her community. There is certainly great hope if every community can find, support and nurture their own versions of a Poonam !